No Other Way
by Helena25
Summary: Set after Neverland. Rumpelstiltskin stays behind so that the others may leave.
1. Chapter 1

All through the journey back they were silently asking themselves many things.

Among them- Belle.

How tell Belle...

And finally Storybrooke, and the haven, and a slim girl in a bright blue coat, confident and happy, hugging herself as if it were the only measure to keep herself from flying clean up into the air.

Somehow the others fell off, kept behind, and Neal found himself alone - staring in the sparkling, overjoyous eyes. Feeling her hands on his neck, feeling the kiss she gives him, hearing her laughter. Feeling her hands release him, seeing her eyes look behind his shoulder, her face alight with expectation, the lips trembling with - his father`s name.

He can`t.

"Belle,"

His voice is gone.

Belle takes a tiny step back, her eyes still confident, her smile still brave.

"He is ..."

"He is back," she interrupts him and now again she is smiling, smiling at his absurd words, at what he is trying to say, because she knows already what he will say next, and he should not say it, not because the pain would be much more than she will ever learn how to bear, but because he is wrong. She knows, she is certain - Bae is wrong. He has to be.

"Belle, he is - is not back."

She shakes her head, shakes his words away - it is so simple just to keep looking at the ship, just to keep waiting...

"He... he stayed behind. Had to. Belle... there was no choice."

He is spent, but the Charmings are stepping up now. And Mary Margaret is trying to embrace Belle, and David is speaking to her, trying to - what?

Belle steps away from Mary Margaret, quietly, very quietly looks at him, at David, Emme, Hook.

" He could not," she states. " He promised."

" Belle, he... there was no choice, " he says again. And hears David seconding him with " No other way".

" No other way? Why?" her eyes are searching theie faces, they are no longer sparkling, now they are burning with the most intense of all pains- the calm, desperate, collected one. " Because there WAS no other way or because you did not think him worth the trouble of finding one?"

"Belle," this time from Mary Margaret- softly, helplessly. " We are so sorry..."

"No," the voice is tremblingly dry, " No, you are not. Why should you be? So you had no choice, " she repeats musingly and they can hear the mounting hysteria in her tone, see the trembling of her body.

" I see. I also see that probably he deserved it, did not he? Especially from you," she throws at Neal and he looks back at her, because it is probably true.

Bella swallows. Takes another step back. And another.

And blindly rushes away.

And it takes Ruby to find her - and no one else dares approach her, once she is found.

So, now Belle is told, he thinks stonily.

So now it is ok, move on, you know, thanks, Papa, that will be all...

And he feels no pain.

Almost.

TBC


	2. Chapter 2

**Thanks a lot for the reviews, appreciate them greatly!**

Chapter 2

**The Sound of Los**s

Belle is brave, has always been that, will always be. So she does not hide away, does not shrink in some dark corner, close her eyes and drift away in

the past. Every day she gets up, goes out, works in the library( yes, she manages now to enter it without breaking down), walks the streets -

harbourward. Because she keeps waiting, because she knows nothing can keep him away from her too long.

She only can`t bear entering his house: the place that is so full of him, that is - still- so alive with his presence.

People keep throwing her sympathetic glances, oh, she knows they are sorry for her - like for a stubborn child that refuses to give up on

something. And she won`t.

Mary Margaret and Emma she avoids; with everybody else she just switches topics as soon as they get to the " so sorry for you" line. And she

bits on her lip, and she plunges at once in some book-talk, and she even laughs. Anything to keep the sympathy and the pity away. Because she

won`t give up.

Neal watches her day by day and when finally they do get to talking he does not know who needed it most.

She looks at him with steady eyes and all but commands in as steady a

tone, the tone of a princess, "Tell me."

He is silent. _The last day on the island, his fath... Rumplestiltskin`s low_

_voice, voice so assured yet so tinged with something deeper than sadness,_

_eyes that keep away from Neal`s- Bae`s- own_.

He grits his teeth and resolutely shoves the memories back.

" He had to stay behind so that the others could leave. "

Belle is silent, she just looks at him and he has to go on." The dagger - Pan got it. "

_Another flash of memory - the pleading, pain-laced voice, the way he shrinks back from the condition that Neal - calmly, unyieldingly - places before him._

_" Hand me the Dark One`s Dagger."_

_" Neal, it is too dangerous, it might..."_

_"It might stop you, right?"_

_Neal still can feel the bitter smile on his lips._

_And hear fath... Rumpelstiltskin`s sharp intake of breath when the cold words of his son hit him_.

Belle knows enough of the dagger for the information to stagger her.

"And... and you left? Just like that? You - all of you - you just left? "

"It was then or never. He gave us the clearing, " harshly answers he. "Belle, listen, he is alive, OK? That is more that he bargained for from the

very beginning at any rate."

Belle slowly shakes her head, her eyes no longer questioning - knowing.

" You never believed it, did you?" she softly says, all bitterness melting away in helpless, hopeless sadness, " You never believed he set out there to

save Henry at any cost to himself."

Neal has to glance away for a moment. No, he did not.

" And when he did," a tremble sizes her voice, but she goes on," none of you tried to change anything."

She looks directly at him and notwithstanding the shining pain in her eyesand probably because of it and because of Rumplesti... his father`s last

audible words he can no longer stand it. He has to lash out, has to hold on to somethin g- like, his anger.

"Look, it is no worse than that which had happened to me years ago- and thanks to him."

Belle just looks at him. He is right, she knows he is. So she is silent. The silence enwraps them, growing louder and louder, finally singing-

with the sound of loss.

Tears now stream down her face. And quietly, very quietly she says " He is alone there. That... that is what he was always afraid of. He is alone."

Neal tries to speak, tries to blink away the mist in his eyes- and she is gone.


	3. Chapter 3

Letting Go And Holding On

**4 days later**

As soon as Henry left, Emma stopped cleaning away the tea-things and, seating herself at the table besides the silent Neal, looked at him closely.

"Another talk with Belle?"

"Yeah." he answered abruptly, not meeting her eyes. "She wants to find a way back."

" I know. Yesterday Regina made short work of explaining to her the sheer impossibility of this and she was not too gentle about it either, but Belle just stared at her and then left."

"Belle won`t give up," he stated in a colourless voice.

"David and Mary Margaret are enthusiastic about the rescue party idea as well," said Emma with a not very good attempt at the " you-know- what- they- are like" air.

Neal glanced at her.

"And what about you?" he asked trying to keep his voice from sounding too strained.

Emma was silent for a moment and then she shugged her shoulders.

"I have never been easy with leaving him - anyone - behind. It is only fair that we should at least try to do something."

Neal smiled wryly and after a short painful silence suddenly looked Emma straight in the eyes.

"Emma, out with it. It is evident Belle is currently regarding me as the unfeeling bastard of a son, but what about you?"

Emma opened her mouth to answer - stopped - tried again. A shadow had flitted across her face, softening her eyes, her voice.

" He loves you, Neal." she offered slowly, her eyes searching his, asking him not to jerk away from her words as she knew he would. As he did, breaking eye-contact with her, answering in the same harsh tone he assumed every time they discussed Rumplestiltskin.

"That kind of settles everything, yeah. Look, I am grateful for his getting us all out and I would never have left him there willingly - but that is it. And I sure am not going to over-sentimentalize about this like you all are clearly expecting me to do. After all, he is pretty well used to abandonment - ought to be."

Emma winced at the pain that dripped from his last phrase, at the way he stubbornly kept his eyes down, at the way he tried to keep his voice from trembling- so boyish-like, so hurt, and…angry and insecure...

She drew a deep breath. And began.

"Neal, look, I am not actually a fan of your father`s - never was. He abandoned you, left you alone, let you go, failed you. I know- I lived through this. Not once, not twice: with every succeeding foster family I went through the same hell."

Her initially calm. collected tone broke. She felt him move, but she was not looking at him. She blinked the tears from her eyes, locked her hands together and went on.

" And later – it happened once more. So... you see, I just know everything there is to know about the Being Abandoned business. I `ve done it."

She drew a deep breath. Closed her eyes for a moment.

" And... I have done the Abandoning thing as well. And I know which hurts worse."

Neal was silent - he could not speak, he no longer even could hear Emma`s voice. His father`s - low, hesitant, barely rising above the whisper. No longer asking him for anything, no longer trying to reach out to him, incredibly tired, - just letting go.

Neal looked up and Emma froze as she saw the waves of pain in his eyes, his mask gone.

" We" he had to stop and begin anew, " we really can`t go back, that much is certain. But even if we could... " he broke off and abruptly finished, " He made me promise we would never try to find a way back. We- struck a deal."

/

Softly Belle closed the front door and for a few seconds just stood there, her forehead pressed to the wall, her breath uneven, her body tense with the expectation of the almost physical impact of the pain. And it came, waves breaking over her head, smothering her with sharp ache, never letting her free... his eyes, the way he smiled, looked at her - gestures, intonations, endearing tiny things that tie us to the beloved ones, that feel us with tenderness when we are close, with sweet memories when we are apart and uspeakable pain when the distance between us is not surmountable...

She had been staying away because she could not bear being surrounded so closely by his belongings, by all the things that created so cruelly the illusion he would be stepping in any moment.

And now she was here- to, yes to think of him, to- probably- rediscover him? Or- rediscover what?

After Neal`s words today, the revelations he made to her...

Belle gasped, the sobs that had shaken her while he was talking, returning...

_" Belle, no. There is no possible way of getting there. Not from here."_

_" There must be."_

_"There is not."_

_She resolutely walkes up to him, so that he cant turn away from her fearless gaze._

_"Mary Margaret and David would be happy to help, they are not exactly comfortable with the way the journey ended. And Emma would help, I know, and you..."_

_His anger leaps._

_"And I tell you once again- it is impossible! What do you expect me to do, start looking for stray portals?"_

_She flinches at the dark irony of his tone and softly, never letting his eyes go says:_

_" I...I want you to care."_

_They are both silent after this- Neal almost staggered by the sincerity and overwhelming sadness of her appeal, she just looking into his eyes deeper and deeper._

_"You have given up on him." her voice breaks. " You...just gave up."_

_And they both know she is not talking of the journey to Neveland- not just of it._

_"I am not the first one to nave done it." he finally breathes._

_"No. But he spent three hundred years searching for you."_

_"Making deals."_

_"He was trying to make amends, he was trying to reach you!"_

_"By twisting, ruining countless lives? By..." he draws a deep breath, passes his hands angrily across his face. He is in for it now. And so is she- for the truth._

_" Belle, you think you know him but you don`t actually. It is all very well to say that you know he is a monster and still can believe in the better him and even bring the guy out, but do you really? know him? I mean, have you seen my dad in action? Doing some harmless stunt like stepping on snails that were human beings just, like, two seconds ago? What part of his darknes did you actually SEE? Some harmless tricks? Or nobly sparing some poor robber desperate to save his wife? Come on, Belle. Just tell me what you Do know. "_

_She just stares at him and he can`t go on. But he can`t stop , either._

_"OK, so you do know he is dark- and mind, he has always been on his best around you."_

_Belle has been stepping further ahd further away from him._

_"I... I have no right to say I don`t care," she begins, and her voice is again steady, her eyes are warm, as she goes on, " But I love him. I do. I know what he is and I know what he can be. And - I will not give up either on him, or on the way of getting him back."_

_Neal lookes up and their eyes lock- hers suffised with tears, steady with promise, his pained and no longer challenging._

_" I want to stand by him, if everything and everyone else fail him. Like now."_

_She leaves._

That was today...today.

And now she was trying- oh, ever so hard- to process everything Neal had told her - and could not. Just could not concentrate.

She was missing him - that was the overwhelming feeling, crowding out everything else, even crowding out the fear for him.

She had been trying to look into herself , into Rumpelstiltskin- trying to look into the pesron he was. The one she was wishing him to be. The one he had been once, the one he became, he one he could become- but now she just could not . Not now.

Belle slowly collapsed on the floor, hugging herself, feeling cold and no-longer- brave ( for herself) and frightened and aching ( for him)...

His getting back, his being here, his just being- safe. Nothing else - not now.

His just being - safe.


	4. Chapter 4

Regina rolls her eyes, as Belle resolutely steps forward blocking the doorway before Regina closes it.

"Look, I am not going to listen to your whining about your true love and no, I`ve got nothing around here that would be of the slightest use in jumping back to Neverland, even if that had been my intention, which it is not. Now just go. " Regina waves peremptorily. " You `ve got a townful of people who will be happy to give you a "you`ll get over it with time" talk. "

Belle neither flinches nor steps back.

" You are the only one that can help us. And you will do it. " she informs Regina.

" And just exactly why would I wish to do it?" Regina smiles brightly.

" Because you are not strong enough to fight Pan alone, should he turn up here and you do wish to protect Henry and I know you don`t trust the Charmings and Emma to keep him from harm. And Rumple..."

Belle`s voice, hitherto steady and assured, breaks a little at the name.

" And Rumplestilstskin can handle Pan and shield Henry." She finishes.

Disdain, written so plainly on Regina`s features, shifts to something much warmer, softer and vulnerable than her usual expression, shifts to her " Henry`s mother" expression. It lasts only a moment, but Belle impulsively takes a step closer. Regina`s face closes again, but her voice is less cold when she speaks next - with a touch of amused boredom.

"Perhaps you are right. I might have something: a very tiny thing, but it may prove to be of use to the so unfortunately lost Dark One."

"What is it?" Belle demands.

" A ring" Regina informs Belle calmly. " Once it is put on his finger he will have a few minutes of freedom and control: of himself and - of space. In other words he will be able to cross into Storybrooke. That is, if the ring works. If..." Regina narrows her eyes dangerously, " If the price is paid."

"Name it."

"Some people - especially the truly-in-love ones - would consider it very high indeed." Regina smirks watching Belle intently for the signs of fear, of hesitation. There are none.

"What is the price?" she steadily repeats. Regina`s smile grows wider.

"His memory. Of you."

/

"It is that simple." She explains languidly. " The person that can infuse the ring with magic, powerful enough to grant Gold a short respite from the power of the dagger, must share true love with him and must never have let him down in any way. You fit in, don`t you?"

" And... he will forget me?" she manages to notice the calmness of her voice- to marvel at it.

" Not quite that simple. " Regina drawls out, her eyes gleaming with the unhappy, bitter malice of one who knows so well the pain of loss and sees it now mirrored in the eyes of another. The miserable triumph. "He will remember that something very, very painful is connected with Belle French and he will dislike you very much indeed. So you see - no rekindling of once lost love, no second chances, no potions- it will be impossible. Once he puts the ring on his hand, your love will be gone- forever. So, if you are ready to give your love up in exchange for his - voyage back here , the ring is yours. "

Belle keeps looking at Regina. Not seeing her.

_I want him with me_ is warring _with I want him happy, I want him safe_...

_I will never give him up..._

If not giving up means failing to save what do you do?

You try to keep breathing, but the pain doesn`t let you - it is a heavy cold lump in your throat - growing colder and colder, shutting you away, shutting **him** away...

_Someone that never let him down, never betrayed him_ - and what is this that I am to do?

His eyes and his smile - the cold, heavy lump suddenly dissolves - a wave of different pain - the warm one - is now flooding her.

She lifts her eyes to the now slightly bored Regina. She hears herself speak.

"When am I to call for it?"


	5. Chapter 5

_ To Grace 5231973 - Oh I agree completely, the price IS terrible. But I am afraid it will have to be paid_**_..._**

**Chapter 5**

**2 days later**

" And you decided to do this?"

Belle can only nod. She did not decide. Not decide. But she will do it.

Neal takes a turn around the room, finally stops in front of her.

" Why did you tell me this?"

" I... I wanted you to know that...when he comes back, he will be alone."

" Are you asking me to take care of him?"

At another time Belle would have seen through the harsh cynical tone - Belle always was good at seeing things, at understanding - would have seen the raw,

hidden pain , the denial, the fear. But not now. What she can see now is Rumplestiltskin. Only him. Alone, lost, lonely. Tremblingly reaching out through

darkness- the darkness of his own soul, the darkness of his life - to someone that would… just touch his hand.

" No. " she says, getting up and facing Neal. " Just to care."

Her eyes are accusing him now; she no longer sees that yes, Rumplestiltskin betrayed his son, yes, he hurt him in the worst

possible way, hurt him so deeply it would probably never heal. She sees only that Neal does not understand, does not want to

understand. Does not want to care.

" Belle, we both know why you are here," Neal says softly, his mask gone, his face tight with pain. " You want me to do it, right? Because I am all out with him

and forgetting me ought to be a bonus, right?"

Belle shakes her head.

" He... can`t live without you." She almost whispers. "He never could. He found it out the moment he let you go- he… has been tearing across to you ever

since. "

"He loves you." Neal says so simply, as if he were not talking about the monster and the good – for- nothing, abandoning father and

the beast. Just simply says it. And for the first time since she entered the room – no, since the not coming back of Rumple - she fears she will finally break

down. Because what he says is true. Just that simple.

" You are his happy ending." - she finally manages to say it.

" I can`t do it. " She hears after an endlessly long silence. " Not because of what you said. I do think that forgetting everything about each other is about the

best things that could happen to us. " He jerks the words out as if he were informing her about the roads` condition, so dryly that his eyes look all the more

haunted. "So I would have done it, but I just don`t fit in. I let him down - that leaves only you."

"You had no choice." It is Emma`s voice that is suddenly striking in from behind. She silently entered half a moment ago and was

planning to leave just as unobtrusively, but now she launches in, unable to hear the self- loathing in Neal`s voice, hurrying to alleviate his pain, thinks Belle

bedazedly, and she understands, oh, she understands so very well… that is what she has always been trying to do for Rumple - and always in vain.

They both never turn to glance at Emma, never break eye-contact.

" No, I did. Not the choice about saving my son or ... my father. The choice about trusting - about betraying."

\\

"The dagger in exchange for Henry: that was Pan`s only condition. And I closed the deal. I didn`t regret it, couldn`t. Because I was so very sure my father

was a scou- ." Neal breaks off, gulps. " I did not give him a chance. Not half a chance. Nothing. I knew he did not deserve it- not from me, anyway, so I just - I

did not trust him. "

Belle and Emma watch the flamboyant gesture accompanying his last words- they recognize it only too well. The flavour of regret, dark despair, denial, so

often colouring Rumpelstiltskin`s body-language. Now- his son`s.

" He told me later… in the last few minutes we had… that he would have found another way, he almost did. " Neal`s voice is toneless, the pain is too much to

flow out, " If only I had believed for half a moment. If at least I had trusted him enough to let him know what I was doing with the dagger. If I had …not just

assumed he would be saving himself at all possible costs. "

Neal is silent. Emma is silen t- it is not for her to talk now - not for her to try and say something – anything. Only Belle has that right now.

Belle can`t. She is locked in pain, locked in memories, locked in the past.

She can`t speak to Neal about his decision.

" He will make it," she finally says and Emma and Neal realize she is trying to convince herself - because that is the only thing that

matters now - because she no longer can change anything, chase away Rumplestiltskin`s inner darkness, shed light. She can no longer be there for him.

She can only give him back his life - without herself.

She can only give herself this helpless, hopeless lie- that he will make it.

That he will - yet - be happy.


End file.
